Modern Action/Suspense My first story using Rpgsolo
Evade capture on the mental institution.

The last thing I remember was being shot point blank in the face. I wake up, dazed and confused. I approach a figure. Are they hostile?

(50/50 | 3[d10]) No.

Who is it?

Vulgar Portuguese ninja.

It's a ninja. He speaks Portuguese. Is that his only language?

(50/50 | 5[d10]) No, but...

He's not all that good at speaking English either. "Who art thou? Bah! It matters not! Hark! We must evade capture from thy adversaries!" He grabs my arm and takes three steps before inquiring why I'm not armed. I tell him I'm armed with a

Cursed object.

And a

Compound bow.

With 3 arrows. I also have a

Worn-out falsified documents.

Those will come in handy. I empty my pockets and pull out a

Leather gloves.


Above average dismembered corpse.

His eyes go wide at the sight of the corpse. Clearly he sees the value in such a powerful weapon. “Wherefore dost thou possess a dismembered cadaver?!” I calmly tell him that it's a weapon for my protection and I have a license for it in my other pants. He stops staring that odd stare, clearly enlightened by my veritably infallible logic. He asks what sort of skills I have. How many should I have?

5 = 5[d6]

They are


Escape artist.

Surprise attacks.



"And all around awesomeness but the dice said I could only have 5. Stupid dice. Ruining my fun." The Vulgar (by my standards at least) ninja stares that odd stare again. Clearly he's in love with me. I'll let him down gently when we escape. I ask what weapons and skills he has. He has six weapons and five skills. Show off. They are



Can of mace.

Worn-out legal documents.

High quality camouflage.

Military uniform.

No katana? I'm shocked! his skills are


Computer programming.



First aid.

Clearly not nearly as awesome as mine, but he'll have to do. We walk to the elevator and I use the "Get Answer" button to use it's amazing "Get Answer Button senses to see if there is an ambush awaiting me." It says"

(50/50 | 5[d10]) No, but...

the elevator is shut down." Great. I ask the soon-to-be-friendzoned ninja if he can use his "awesome" computer programming skills to get out of the mental institution. "Of course. This should be easy." "Hey, what happened to your Shakespearean accent?" I ask him, "What Shakespearean accent?" Huh. Must be my imagination playing trick on me. We head towards the computer room, but then we were attacked by a

Dumb brute.

"Raaargh!! Brute likes oatmeal raisin cookies!" Dumb brute. NO ONE likes oatmeal raisin cookies. Does he attack me?

(50/50 | 7[d10]) Yes.

Of course.

(11 = 11[d20]) Minor Damage: Largely superficial; degrades performance, but not disabling.

His fists are no match for my manly body. I attempt a roundhouse kick, but slip, hit my head, and trip him, hurting both of us. He takes

(18 = 18[d20]) Severe Damage: Incapacitating and may become Critical if not addressed.

By hitting his head. I take

(9 = 9[d20]) Minor Damage: Largely superficial; degrades performance, but not disabling.

Fortunately, I have an adamantium plate in my head from headbutting my therapist's 6 year old daughter. Shame she didn't give me that $5 I wanted. She was so beautiful. My doctor INSISTS that my plate is steel and NOT adamantium, but I wasn't hearing any of it. I could SWEAR I had bone claws, too. Anyway, The ninja pulls out his flamethrower and utterly INCINERATES that idiotic brute.

(108 = 8[d20]+100) Destroyed.

But then a


leaps out of NOWHERE. And stabs the ninja with a hidden blade.

(12 = 8[d20]+4) Moderate Damage: Hampers functionality significantly; will require repair/mechanical attention.

"Uuurgh..." He collapses and the assassin lunges at me, eyes full of absolute hate.

(19 = 15[d20]+4) Critical Damage: Requires immediate attention; clearly disabling if not immediately destructive.

Ow. I can still stand. Barely. I pull out my cursed object, and it transforms into a pistol. I shoot, hoping to land a hit.

(50/50 | 8[d10]) Yes.

(9 = 3[d20]+6) Minor Damage: Largely superficial; degrades performance, but not disabling.

I got her! Shoulder. I got her shoulder. Is she shocked enough for me to attack again?

(Somewhat Unlikely | 3[d10]) No.

Damn. OK. She pulls out a throwing knife. And she throws it. Big surprise there, lady. Does it hit.

(50/50 | 6[d10]) Yes, but...

(17 = 15[d20]+2) Severe Damage: Incapacitating and may become Critical if not addressed.

I manage to shoot again!

(18 = 14[d20]+4) Severe Damage: Incapacitating and may become Critical if not addressed.

We're both bleeding profusely. She pulls out some kind of potion. I throw my trusty falsified documents, hoping to get what I assume is a healing potion. Or fruit punch.

(Very Unlikely | 3[d10]) No.

The paper floats a few inches from where I threw it. I pick it up and place it back in my pocket of holding. "I have a brilliant Idea!" I announced. I pulled the throwing knife out of my chest, and, well, threw it. Does it hit?

(Unlikely | 4[d10]) No.

I missed by an inch. Fortunately, hitting her with the knife wasn't my plan. While she was distracted by the knife, I made a bee line for my downed compatriot's can of mace, combat rolled to her, used the mace on her bleeding shoulder and eyes, Stole her pouch and the potion in her hand while she was screaming in pain, grabbed the throwing knife and stabbed her several times with it.

(22 = 18[d20]+4) Destroyed.

I gave my ally the potion, and brought him to the control room. Does he manage to open the elevator?

(Likely | 7[d10]) Yes.

However, there were enemies inside of it! When we got there I fought a(n)

Police officer.

While he fought a(n)

Dumb brute.

"Freeze, you psychopath!" Well that wasn't very nice. I'm no psychopath. I'm clearly a psychotic. There's a difference. "Crush...Kill...Destroy..." Clearly I'm a schizophrenic, too because that didn't come from the brute. "" the voice called. I looked at my hand and saw that my cursed object somehow assimilated my leather gloves into itself. "Destroy...them..." It faintly called to me. I had the sudden urge to rip my enemies apart piece by piece. Well...more than usual. The cursed gloves turn into armored claws! I pounce forward, hoping to get my claws around the officers throat.

(50/50 | 2[d10]) No. +Twist: Organization / Helps the hero

I miss. The officer attempts to shoot me, but the ninja managed to throw the brute at the officer.

(13 = 13[d20]) Moderate Damage: Hampers functionality significantly; will require repair/mechanical attention.

(5 = 5[d20]) Negligible: Nick/Scratch/Dent.

The brute barely sustained any damage, and pounced back at the ninja. The cop on the floor shoots at me

(Unlikely | 1[d10]) No, and...

It doesn't work, and I grab him, but I black out. When I woke up, I saw the bloody remains of glorious battle. Wait, what? That doesn't sound like me. The officer and brute looked as though some wild bear tore them apart. The ninja was gone, but the elevator still worked. Am I able to leave now?

(Almost Impossible | 7[d10]) Yes.

Despite all odds, the elevator managed to bring me all the way down. I thought for a moment that it would stop functioning about halfway through or something. Whatever, I'm finally out of that hell hole. Now what to do?

Prevent an assassination at the airport.

I check the assassin's pouch, hoping for some bus fare or alcohol. I haven't had a drink since my family forced me to go at that mental institution. Instead I found some note that said, "Meet me at the airport after you killed the psycho that killed your father. We need this other job done." An assassination attempt no doubt! I don't really feel like stopping it. Any chance you would let me leave, Oh great and mighty Get Answer Button?

(Very Unlikely | 4[d10]) No.

Thought so. I walk to the nearest parking lot and wait for some sucker to fall prey to my badass Surprise attack skills mentioned earlier. Is that the sound of footsteps I hear?

(50/50 | 8[d10]) Yes.

Deviant photographer.

I see a photographer! I hope he owns that sports car!

(Very Unlikely | 4[d10]) No. +Twist: PC / Alters the location

He doesn't. As predicted. However my cursed armored claws glow red, and teleports me into the airport!

I should look around for someone wearing the same clothing as that other assassin. Do I find such a person?

(Unlikely | 2[d10]) No.

"Huh. Sucks. What now?" Suddenly my body sends out a faint pulse! "Souls! We need more Souls!" My claws are speaking again. Great. But that pulse comes back and I feel compelled to go south!

Did the claws lead me to my quarry?

(Very Likely | 8[d10]) Yes.

It's a Fight! A wild

Assassin in a business suit.


I stand in front of him claws ready."Who are you?" He says as soon as he sees I have no intention of moving out of his way,"I forgot my name while I was in that mental institution." He doesn't change his expression,"So Sonia failed to kill you? Typical. Revenge is so unprofessional." He pulls out a pistol and fires!

(50/50 | 1[d10]) No, and...

I dodge, and airport security heard the gunshot! They all tackle him! Can he fend fend them off?

(Very Unlikely | 1[d10]) No, and...

He drops his gun! I pick it up, Aim at his head and fire!

(50/50 | 10[d10]) Yes, and...

(29 = 9[d20]+20) Destroyed.

He dies instantly! But then I'M attacked for shooting a man, escaping a mental institution, and possessing an unlicensed dismembered corpse! Can they arrest me?

(Likely | 10[d10]) Yes, and...

they strip me of ALL of my contraband. Fortunately (I think) My claws hid themselves when I picked up the gun. Still, I AM an escape artist. So can I escape while they "Escort" me to the police car?

(Very Likely | 10[d10]) Yes, and...

I managed to snag a pistol and my corpse! Can I use my badass Espionage and surprise attack skills to take them down?

(Very Likely | 8[d10]) Yes. +Twist: Physical event / Hinders the hero

Before I knocked the last guy, He shot me in the hip! Can I sneak out before the others find the trail of blood?

(Very Unlikely | 2[d10]) No.

I hear Footsteps! They're right behind me! I can't die now! I haven't found out what these claws are, yet! Do they catch me?

(50/50 | 6[d10]) Yes, but...

The ninja from before springs from nowhere, and kills them all! "For saving my life. Don't count on it happening again." He's still in enamored with me. I don't think I have the heart to turn him down. Before I could tell him that I accepted his rather obvious advances towards me, he somehow manages to take my cursed claws and runs away. With nothing to do I head to a cheap motel. They threw me out for not having money. Greedy jerks. With nothing to do I look at this corpse. This must be "Sonia's" dad.

Suddenly I remember everything! I found a weird artifact from my lawn. Eager to show my friend, John, I ran to my therapist's house to ask for some bus fare. Unfortunately, he said he was broke. I knew he was lying when I saw his daughter holding a $5 bill! When I politely demanded that she "Gimme dat skrilla" she refused, clearly lying that she needed that money to get her sick mother's medicine. Naturally I dealt with her like any sane adult would,I grasped her arm firmly, made her face me, and headbutted her face 56 times. Soon afterword everything turned purple, so I took a nap. When I woke up my doctor, John, asked me why I would assault an innocent child for no reason. I told him that it was because I wanted to show him this awesome thing I found. When I took it out a voice told me to violently murder my friend. When I woke up I was in that mental institution, holding a fresh, violently dismembered corpse, and a woman who looked a lot like Sonia shot me in the face.

Unfortunately, I hadn't noticed the several police cars parked in front of me. Or the many pistols pointed at my face. Or that moving my head up would surprise the officers enough to fire at me. Oops.

(920 = 20[d20]+900) Destroyed.
Thanks. This made me laugh.
Thanks! As of now I'm making a Star wars one about a snarky, angry merchant turned sadistic sith.
(01-28-2014, 01:15 AM)donkwdcv Wrote: We walk to the elevator and I use the "Get Answer" button to use it's amazing "Get Answer Button senses to see if there is an ambush awaiting me.

This story is hilarious! I look forward to reading more of your entertaining works :]

By the way, at the risk of being lumped in with the dumb bruit - I like oatmeal raisin cookies!

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