Rated NC17 Classic Fantasy (First Story)
I don't know how I ended up in this...

Filthy outpost.

I vaguely remember being approached by a...

Rude female hired thug.

She was a ginger and the ale she offered tasted like piss. Well that'll teach me. It was my own damn fault for taking off on Malissa. She may be a...

Ditzy guide.

but at least we never got lost. Honestly my frayed nerves couldn't handle any more of her incessant chatter and while she was off looking at poisonous plants, I'd ditched the annoying brat.

Well now I was stuck at this outpost with nothing but my own stupidity to consider. What exactly was in that ale? I can only guess. What did she do to me during my blackout? I didn't want to guess.

My musings were interrupted by a...

Vulgar elder.

He approached drunk and wearing only a piece of cloth over his... well it wasn't pretty.

"You lookin for somethin' to do ya peice of deer hide? Why ya standin' 'round like a dumb piece of shit?"

I glanced around to see if my luck had changed. Nope. He was talking to me. I tried for ignorance, "are you talking to me old one?"

He chuckled loudly, drawing the attention of a...

Gloomy noble.

The man crossed himself and gave us both a wider berth. Great! Now the whole outpost would think I associated with this scum.

I edged away from the crazy old man and tossed out, "I can manage my own affairs."

He eyed me, straightened his loin cloth and approached me somberly. Looking around as if everyone close by wasn't avoiding his very stench the elder whispered, "you a mercenary? I have a favor to ask."

I eyed him warily. I was, but I wasn't planning on getting hired by a crackpot village drunk. I answered, "well I've been known to be good at...

Siege works.



Weapon specialization.

Of course I wasn't going to mention that it was the gambling that'd landed me nowhere in 10 years of service to many a town. As soon as the gold hit my palm, it was soon in someone else's coin pouch. Well at least I know that bitch of a thug hadn't stolen from me. I'd already lost my last copper in a bet with Malissa. Okay maybe that was the reason I'd ditched her; I'd still owed the wilderness guide 16 gold pieces after that.

Oblivious to the old man's rambling I tuned in as he whispered, "I can pay good. Promise!"

I rolled my eyes and grinned, "Sure you can."

He pulled out a pouch and, sure enough, it was heavy with gold. I took a peak as he gave me a glimpse of the coins. Damn! "What was it you wanted me to do?"

Bring a criminal to justice at the wealthy carnival.

"Criminal? And what's this carnival you're talking about?" I eyed the bag greedily before wondering where the hell he'd been storing that coin pouch. My stomach turned and I fought the urge to glimpse down and see if he might possibly have a pack on his person.

The man gave me a toothless smile, "The wealthy carnival is for those pathetic whelps with too much sparklies to care for us poorer folk..." I glanced at the pouch again with a grin... "they's been stealing us and puttin' us in the carnival's freak show. They make us pull the cages of beasts and feed the bears. My poor Glenda got her face eaten by one of them big cats. Put a grown man to tears and I still can't stop weeping like a little girl. Well I've had enough. There's a bad man that runs this carnival. The richest of us all. I want you to kill him. He's a killer and he deserves his justice just like the criminal he is. Do we have a deal?"

I paused, "Who is this man I'm supposed to kill?" Hey, I'd taken by share of bloody contracts. It didn't pull on my conscious anymore. Maybe I didn't have one.

He spat (right onto my boots) and growled out, "He's a...


To be continued...
Great start, and some of the details are hilarious. Why, if I didn't know better, I'd say this sounded like something... (Get NPC)

my crazy daughter

would write :]

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